Best Funny Quotes
Don't stay in bed, unless you can make money in bed.Best Funny Quote by George Burns
I spent a year in that town, one Sunday.
Best Funny Quote by George Burns
Happiness is having a large, loving, caring, close-knit family in another city.
Best Funny Quote by George Burns
When I was a boy the Dead Sea was only sick.
Best Funny Quote by George Burns
Parents are the last people on earth who ought to have children.
Best Funny Quote by Samuel Butler
Weather forecast for tonight: dark.
Best Funny Quote by George Carlin
What does it mean to pre-board? Do you get on before you get on?
Best Funny Quote by George Carlin
In comic strips, the person on the left always speaks first.
Best Funny Quote by George Carlin
Electricity is really just organized lightning.
Best Funny Quote by George Carlin
Parrots make great pets. They have more personality than goldfish.
Best Funny Quote by Chevy Chase
I have never been hurt by what I have not said.
Best Funny Quote by Calvin Coolidge
Fatherhood is pretending the present you love most is soap-on-a-rope.
Best Funny Quote by Bill Cosby
Human beings are the only creatures on earth that allow their children to come back home.
Best Funny Quote by Bill Cosby
Always end the name of your child with a vowel, so that when you yell the name will carry.
Best Funny Quote by Bill Cosby
A word to the wise ain't necessary - it's the stupid ones that need the advice.
Best Funny Quote by Bill Cosby
I haven't spoken to my wife in years. I didn't want to interrupt her.
Best Funny Quote by Rodney Dangerfield
I found there was only one way to look thin, hang out with fat people.
Best Funny Quote by Rodney Dangerfield
I looked up my family tree and found out I was the sap.
Best Funny Quote by Rodney Dangerfield
I'd luv to kiss ya, but I just washed my hair.
Best Funny Quote by Bette Davis
Brought up to respect the conventions, love had to end in marriage. I'm afraid it did.
Best Funny Quote by Bette Davis
People always ask me, 'Were you funny as a child?' Well, no, I was an accountant.
Best Funny Quote by Ellen DeGeneres
My grandmother started walking five miles a day when she was sixty. She's ninety-seven now, and we don't know where the hell she is.
Best Funny Quote by Ellen DeGeneres
Most women set out to try to change a man, and when they have changed him they do not like him.
Best Funny Quote by Marlene Dietrich
I love Mickey Mouse more than any woman I have ever known.
Best Funny Quote by Walt Disney
My inner child is not wounded.
Best Funny Quote by Shannen Doherty
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